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Young Writers Society



Actions of choice

by Orange boy


I'm blind and deaf as sot to say.
I respond to the one who speaks my name.
Looking back and regretting my choice.
I stand and raise my voice!!
I talk in a manner in which not to budge.
Say my words clear fully and do not smudge.
I stand my ground waiting for the lunge.
A peace is offered hand to hand.
Letting my emotions take over the stand.
No need to keep waiting for words.
Time to move on and lead the herd.

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1275 Reviews

Points: 36224
Reviews: 1275

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Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:01 am
niteowl wrote a review...



First off, let me say Welcome to the Young Writer's Society. Just for the record, we have a rule around here that members review 2 pieces before posting one, not the other way around.

Second off, your concept is interesting, but you're worrrying so much about the rhyme. Don't. It only makes the piece seem childish and your message is obscured if the right words don't fit the rhyme scheme. Focus on creating original imagery and sensory description. Who is this? Where is he? Why does he suddenly decide to speak up? What's going on? Think of the answers, then find an interesting way to put them together in a poem.

Keep writing!





Oh, Brightlord Tumul! How unexpected it is to see you standing there! I didn't mean to insult your stupidity. Really, it's quite spectacular and worthy of much praise.
— Wit (Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings)